(Author’s Note: My most recent work has been seen by a few people, but could use a little more viewage. 2300 words for a work that I decided to let run on it’s own. Go read “Hunters of the Night“, and see what you think. Otherwise, here’s the next Fictioneers for ya.)
by Miles H. Rost
The new roads probably don’t fit my style anymore. Interstates everywhere, they say.
Can’t make your way in the city anymore, the cities are starting to crumble and fall. Egos everywhere.
Then there’s me. I sit along the road, waiting. Once in a while someone stops in, they take a look around or attempt to get inside, but they can’t. They’ll hop in their car and leave.
I’ll probably be around under the foundations crumble, until the weather takes its toll and finally does me in. But until then, I’ll stay standing.
Hidden landmarks are always found by those who choose to search.
I quite like what you tried here, but then got confused.
It is probably just me, but it seemed to lose it way, and the third and fifth paragraphs seemed to be contradictory.
The POV works for me… but fit took a bit of reading.
Maybe change the under to until ?
I like the POV you created here…
Nicely done … 😎
p.s. video didn’t work – said, error. I’m off to You Tube.
Very interesting perspective! i agree with the comments from C.E. and Dale. I think that 2nd paragraph feels like the building can’t be speaking because it couldn’t go to the city, though I think maybe you were going for a kind of general “you”–still the building wouldn’t know about that experience, I think. I also don’t think you need the last line–I think the reader can fill it in. But I love it! A very unique take and wonderful wistful tone. I’m on my way to check out “Hunters of the Night”! 🙂 If you have time, I also have a recent piece out at necessaryfiction.com, “The Magic.” Have a good weekend!
Really like to POV as the building. I felt the sadness and loneliness. But I do agree the 2nd paragraph doesn’t work with the POV.
Its strange, the second paragraph was( for me )the focus of my reading of this story.
I think it should be ‘until the foundations crumble’ not ‘under the foundations crumble’ but an original take on the prompt. I can picture the decaying buildings and the atmosphere of the place.